This small group discussion guide draws directly from the sermon “Showcase - Cornerstone Fountain Valley | Wesley Small | Live - August 16th, 2026” so you can keep engaging with the message all week. Read, reflect, and share it with your small group or friends.
Small Group Discussion Guide
Faith for the Real World — Part 2: Identity
Who Am I, Really?
Sermon Series: Faith for the Real World Scripture Focus: Ephesians 4:20–24 Estimated Meeting Time: 60–90 minutes Suitable For: All spiritual maturity levels | Mixed groups | Home or church settings
A NOTE TO YOUR FACILITATOR
Welcome! This guide is designed to help your group have a genuine, meaningful conversation — not just cover material. You don't need to be a theological expert to lead this discussion well. Your most important job is to create a safe space where people feel comfortable sharing honestly. Feel free to skip questions that don't fit your group or spend extra time where the conversation is rich. The suggested time allocations are guides, not rules. Trust the Holy Spirit to lead your group where it needs to go.
OVERVIEW
(Read aloud or paraphrase to open your group time)
This week's message continued our series Faith for the Real World by exploring one of the most pressing questions we all face: Who am I? Pastor Wes taught from Ephesians 4:20–24, challenging us to stop building our identity from the outside in — starting with our desires, achievements, or relationships and then asking God to approve — and instead to let Christ shape our identity from the foundation up. The central idea is both simple and profound: Jesus knew how to be human perfectly, and when we learn from him, we discover what we were always meant to be.
SECTION 1 — ICEBREAKER
(5–10 minutes)
Choose one of the following to open your time together:
Option A (Lighter/Relational):
Think about someone you spent a lot of time with growing up — a parent, grandparent, coach, or close friend. What's one habit, phrase, or mannerism you picked up from them, maybe without even realizing it?
Option B (More Reflective):
If someone followed you around for a week and had to describe your identity based purely on what they observed — how you spend your time, what you talk about, what you worry about — what do you think they'd say defines you?
SECTION 2 — SCRIPTURE READING
(5 minutes)
Ask a volunteer to read the passage aloud. Invite the group to listen for one word or phrase that stands out to them.
Primary Passage — Ephesians 4:20–24 (ESV)
"But that is not the way you learned Christ! — assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."
Supporting Passages Referenced in the Sermon:
Romans 8:29 (ESV) "For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers."
Jeremiah 17:9 (ESV) "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
2 Corinthians 3:18 (ESV) "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit."
After reading, simply ask:
What word or phrase from this passage caught your attention? Why?
(Allow 2–3 people to briefly share before moving into the discussion questions.)
SECTION 3 — DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
(30–45 minutes total)
Work through as many questions as time allows. Questions are organized from observation to application — start at the beginning if your group is newer, or jump to later questions if your group is more experienced.
PART A: Understanding Identity
Starting with what the sermon observed about how we think about who we are. (Suggested time: 10–12 minutes)
1. Pastor Wes pointed out that phrases like "find your identity in Christ" or "give it to God" can become empty slogans if we don't know how to actually live them out. What's a piece of Christian advice you've heard often that sounded right but left you wondering, "Okay, but how do I actually do that?"
[Leader Tip]: This question helps people engage honestly without feeling judged. Normalize the experience — most people have felt this way. If the group is quiet, you can share your own example first to break the ice.
2. The sermon made the point that at the core of our identity — beneath every hobby, role, relationship, or achievement — is our humanity. When you strip everything else away, what do you think most people actually rest their identity on? What do you rest yours on?
3. Our culture often says: "Discover who you are, then let God fit into that picture." Scripture flips this and says: "Let God define who you are, and let that inform everything else." Where have you seen the cultural approach play out — in your own life or in someone else's — and what happened?
[Leader Tip]: Keep this question grace-filled. The goal isn't to criticize culture or people who've struggled — it's to help the group recognize a pattern they may not have noticed before. Affirm honest answers.
PART B: Learning From Jesus
Exploring what it means that Jesus was the perfect human. (Suggested time: 12–15 minutes)
4. Pastor Wes made a striking claim: Jesus didn't just have an admirable ministry — he was perfect at being human. He was the model of what humanity was always meant to look like. How does thinking of Jesus as the "perfect human" — not just a divine figure — change the way you relate to him or see Christlikeness as a goal?
[Leader Tip]: Some group members may have only thought of Jesus as God, not as the model for human flourishing. This is a great opportunity to explore the doctrine of the Incarnation gently. You don't need to go deep theologically — just help people sit with the idea that Jesus showed us how to be human.
5. The sermon used a personal story: Pastor Wes noticed he was adopting his dad's habits — like snapping to jazz — even when he was frustrated with him. The point was that spending time with someone shapes you. How does this idea apply to your relationship with Christ? What does "spending time with Jesus" actually look like in your daily life right now?
6. Ephesians 4:22 says to "put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires." The sermon described sin not just as breaking God's rules, but as corrupting the very thing that makes us us — our humanity. How does thinking about sin this way — as self-destructive, not just rule-breaking — change how you respond to it?
[Leader Tip]: This is a potentially powerful reframe for people who've always experienced Christianity as primarily about following rules. Give people space to process this. An optional follow-up: "Does this make you more or less motivated to turn away from sin? Why?"
PART C: Putting On the New Self
Making the connection between identity and transformation. (Suggested time: 10–12 minutes)
7. Pastor Wes said: "If your identity is first and foremost in Christ, scripture says that you won't spend your life searching for an identity that offers fulfillment — because you will already be fulfilled." He then pointed out that Jesus was perfectly human without ever being married, wealthy, or celebrated. What are some things you've believed — or still believe — will finally make you feel complete or fulfilled? How does Jesus's example challenge or encourage you?
8. 2 Corinthians 3:18 says we are "being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another." The word being means this is ongoing — it's a process, not a one-time event. What does it feel like to know that God isn't waiting for you to be fully transformed before he works in you? Where do you see this gradual process happening in your own life?
9. The sermon opened with a story from Japan about a new believer named Young, whose family rejected her when she became a Christian. Despite that pain, she responded with grace — praying for her family and believing God was at work. Pastor Gary reflected that we're often good at receiving grace but not as good at giving it. Who in your life right now needs you to extend grace that feels difficult to give?
[Leader Tip]: This question connects the opening pastoral reflection to the sermon's theme of identity. If someone shares a difficult situation, resist the urge to fix it or offer advice — simply acknowledge it and invite the group to hold it in prayer later. This can become a natural bridge to the prayer time.
SECTION 4 — PERSONAL APPLICATION
(10–15 minutes)
These questions are more personal and reflective. You may want to give people 1–2 minutes of quiet to think before sharing. Remind the group that no one is required to share — these are invitations, not assignments.
1. Think honestly about the foundation of your identity right now. Is Christ at the center — the thing that shapes everything else — or is he more like one item on a list of things that define you? What would it look like, practically, to move him from the list to the foundation?
2. The sermon said: "Don't define yourself and then ask God's approval after. Ask God to draft it up for you." Is there an area of your life where you've been asking God to approve something you've already decided, rather than genuinely inviting him to shape it? What would it look like to hand that area over to him?
3. Pastor Wes described the Holy Spirit's work not as making you more spiritual at the expense of your humanity, but as restoring your humanity to the way God intended. What does a more fully restored, fully human version of you look like? What would be different?
4. Where in your life do you most need your mind renewed right now — in how you see yourself, how you see others, or how you see God?
✅ THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE
Choose one (or invite the group to choose together):
Spend 10 minutes each day this week in prayer, asking God one specific question: "Lord, how do you see me?" Write down whatever comes to mind and bring it back to share with your group next week.
Identify one area of your life where you've been defining yourself on your own terms. This week, bring it to God in prayer and ask him to shape your understanding of that area.
Practice extending grace to one specific person who has hurt you or disappointed you. This doesn't require a conversation — start with prayer for them, believing God is at work.
Read through Ephesians 4:17–32 (the broader passage surrounding this week's text) and journal what you notice about the contrast between the "old self" and the "new self."
SECTION 5 — PRAYER FOCUS
(5–10 minutes)
Close your time by praying together. You can use the prompts below to guide the prayer, invite one person to pray over all the topics, or break into pairs for more personal prayer.
Suggested Prayer Topics:
🙏 Identity — Ask God to reveal where each person is resting their identity outside of Christ, and for the courage to reorient.
🙏 Renewal — Pray for renewed minds — that the way each person sees themselves, others, and God would be transformed by time with Jesus.
🙏 Grace — Pray for the grace to extend to others what God has so freely given to us. Name specific situations if the group feels comfortable doing so.
🙏 Spending Time with Jesus — Ask God to make prayer, scripture, and worship feel less like obligations and more like genuine encounters with a living person.
🙏 The Church in Japan — Pray for the missionaries Pastor Gary visited, and for believers like Young who face rejection from family for their faith. Pray for the 1% of Japan that knows Christ.
Optional Closing Prayer Prompt:
Invite one person to close with this prayer or something like it: "God, we thank you that you didn't leave us to figure out what it means to be human on our own. You stepped into our world and showed us. Help us to stop defining ourselves and then asking for your approval — and instead, let us come to you and ask you to define us. Renew our minds. Help us put on the new self. And as we spend time with you this week, make us more like you. Amen."
SECTION 6 — OPTIONAL DEEP DIVE
For groups that want to go further or have extra time
Deep Dive 1: Read Colossians 3:1–17 alongside Ephesians 4:20–24. Both passages use the "put off / put on" language. What specific things does Paul say to take off and put on? As a group, make two lists. Which items on the "put off" list are hardest for your group to let go of, and why?
Deep Dive 2: The sermon mentioned that the goal of Christianity is not to become like a man in a gendered sense, but to become like Christ — who modeled what full humanity looks like for both men and women. How does this understanding of Christlikeness challenge or expand the way you've thought about gender, discipleship, or what it means to be a "good Christian woman" or a "good Christian man"?
[Leader Tip]: This is a rich but potentially sensitive conversation. Keep the focus on what Christ modeled — humility, love, submission to the Father, care for others — and how those qualities belong to all believers regardless of gender.
Deep Dive 3: The sermon referenced John 20 and the story of Thomas from last week's message. Thomas needed proof to believe; Jesus met him exactly where he was. How does the story of Thomas connect to this week's theme of identity? What does it tell us about how God treats people who are still figuring out who he is — and therefore, who they are?
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES FOR FURTHER STUDY
Related Scripture Passages:
- Colossians 3:1–17 — A parallel "put off / put on" passage
- Romans 12:1–2 — The renewed mind and living sacrifice
- Genesis 1:26–27 — Humanity created in the image of God
- John 1:14 — The Word became flesh (Jesus as fully human)
- Philippians 3:7–11 — Paul counting everything as loss compared to knowing Christ
- 1 John 4:19–21 — Loving others as a result of knowing God's love
FACILITATOR'S QUICK REFERENCE
| Section | Suggested Time |
|---|---|
| Icebreaker | 5–10 min |
| Scripture Reading | 5 min |
| Discussion Questions | 30–45 min |
| Personal Application | 10–15 min |
| Prayer Focus | 5–10 min |
| Total | 55–85 min |
If your group finishes early: Use the Deep Dive questions or invite people to share one thing they want to carry into the week from tonight's conversation.
If your group runs long: Prioritize Questions 5, 7, and 9 from the discussion section, and at least one Personal Application question before moving to prayer.
If your group is quiet: Don't panic. Share your own honest answer first. Silence often means people are thinking — give it a few seconds before moving on. Smaller groups sometimes do better with pairs before sharing with the whole group.
This guide was prepared for Cornerstone Church small groups based on the sermon "Faith for the Real World — Part 2: Identity" from Ephesians 4:20–24.