Stop Living for Yourself — And Finally Find Your Life

Meta Description: What if the key to finding your true self is giving it up completely? Pastor Gary unpacks Matthew 16:24-26 and what it really means to follow Jesus. URL Slug: deny-yourself-take-up-your-cross-follow-jesus Featured Image: A lone wooden cross on a hillside at sunrise, warm golden light breaking through — evoking surrender, hope, and new beginnings.

What if everything you thought you wanted was actually standing in the way of everything you were made for?

That's the question I've been sitting with as we wrapped up our series on Mere Christianity this past Sunday. And it's the question Jesus himself forces us to wrestle with in one of the most challenging passages in all of scripture.

In Matthew 16:24-26, Jesus says this to his disciples:

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?"

I memorized this verse when I was 17 years old — not because it was easy, but because I needed it. I had been living two lives: a non-Christian life and a fake Christian life, and I knew something had to change. This verse was the turning point. Let me walk you through what Jesus is actually saying here.

Deny Yourself: It's Not What You Think

We live in a world that tells us to put ourselves first. If we're honest, that instinct is deeply human. But Jesus calls us to something radically different — to deny ourselves.

Now, this isn't about self-loathing or feeling inferior. In the context of the gospel, denying yourself means giving up control over your own life. It means you are no longer the central authority. The real question isn't whether you believe in Jesus. The question is: who's in charge — Christ or self?

When I lead someone in a prayer of commitment, I always include these words: "Be the Lord of my life." Because following Jesus isn't just intellectual agreement — it's a transfer of authority.

Take Up Your Cross: From Self-Minded to Christ-Minded

Before Jesus, the cross meant one thing: death. It was an instrument of punishment, not a symbol of hope. So when Jesus tells us to take up our cross, he's asking us to put something to death — self-determination, self-protection, self-definition.

In simple terms, it's going from being self-minded to Christ-minded.

I think about my daughter-in-law's parents, who are overseas right now in the middle of real chaos and conflict. With missiles being intercepted nearby, it would be completely understandable to hide, to bunker down, to focus on survival. But their response? They opened their home so no one would feel alone and scared. They called it their opportunity to be a vessel of peace for their non-Christian friends.

That's what it looks like to be Christ-minded. In a moment where self-preservation screams the loudest, they chose to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Lose Your Life to Find It: The Promise of Surrender

Here's the part that trips most people up: "Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

Many of us are afraid that if we fully surrender to Jesus, he'll take away everything we care about — our dreams, our plans, our identity. I understand that fear. At 17, I had my whole future mapped out. I wanted to be a policeman or a firefighter. I had it all planned — the career, the house, the lifestyle.

Then I gave it all to Jesus.

And what happened wasn't loss. It was transformation. I found myself standing on a stage talking to people about Jesus — something that would have terrified my teenage self. I traveled the world. I poured into hundreds of students. I built a life I never could have designed on my own.

What is surrendered is not destroyed. It's restored and fulfilled — better than we ever imagined.

Jesus knows your dreams. He knows your gifts and talents, maybe even better than you do. He knows the people he's going to place in your life and the calling he's been preparing you for. Surrender doesn't mean he sends you somewhere you don't want to go. It means he takes you somewhere you never dreamed you could go.

The Path to Becoming Fully Alive

Here's the beautiful paradox at the heart of this passage: we find our true selves only when we give up ourselves completely.

I didn't understand that until I experienced it. I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted. But the moment I fully surrendered to Christ, that's when everything really began. I went from chasing my dreams to living out his dreams — and there's no comparison.

Your real self — the person God created you to be — won't be found by looking inward. It will be found by looking to Jesus.

As we closed our time together Sunday, I asked everyone to examine their own hearts before receiving communion: Have I fully surrendered to Christ? Does he have all of my life? Am I truly following him — not just when it's convenient, not just on Sundays, but in every area?

I want to ask you the same thing today.

Wherever you are this week, I want to encourage you to sit with Matthew 16:24. Read it slowly. Let it challenge you. And if there's an area of your life you've been holding back from Jesus — your career, your relationships, your future — consider what it might look like to open your hands and surrender it to him.

That's where the adventure starts.

— Pastor Gary

Want to go deeper? Watch the full message on our YouTube channel, and join us this Sunday as we begin our new series, POV — where we'll be looking at some of today's most pressing questions through the lens of scripture.

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