Small Group Discussion Guide

"Deny Yourself, Find Your Life"

Completing the Mere Christianity Series | Matthew 16:24–26

A Note to Facilitators: This guide is designed for 60–90 minutes. You know your group best — feel free to skip questions, linger where conversation is rich, or swap in questions that feel more relevant. There are no wrong answers here, only honest ones. Your job is to create a safe space for real conversation, not to have all the answers.

OVERVIEW

In this final message of the Mere Christianity series, Pastor Gary unpacked one of the most countercultural invitations Jesus ever extended: deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me. Drawing from Matthew 16:24–26 and C.S. Lewis's closing chapter, the sermon challenged us to move from being self-minded to Christ-minded — and to discover that true surrender to Jesus doesn't erase who we are, but actually reveals who we were always meant to become.

SECTION 1: ICEBREAKER

(5–10 minutes)

Opening Question:

Think of a time in your life when you gave something up — a plan, a dream, a preference — and something better came from it. What happened, and how did it change you?

(Keep this light and story-focused. This isn't about spiritual surrender yet — just warming up the idea that letting go can lead somewhere good.)

SECTION 2: SCRIPTURE READING

(5 minutes)

Have someone in the group read the passage aloud. Encourage everyone to follow along, even if they know it well.

Matthew 16:24–26 (ESV)

"Then Jesus told his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?'"

A Little Context: This passage comes right after Peter's famous declaration that Jesus is "the Christ, the Son of the living God" — and right after Jesus rebukes Peter for thinking in human rather than divine terms. Jesus is making clear: following him isn't a casual add-on to your existing life. It's a complete reorientation.

Related Passages for Further Study:

• Romans 12:1–2 (offering ourselves as living sacrifices)
• Galatians 2:20 ("I have been crucified with Christ")
• Philippians 3:7–11 (Paul counting everything as loss for Christ)
• Psalm 51:10 ("Create in me a clean heart, O God")

SECTION 3: DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

(30–45 minutes)

Work through as many of these as time allows. Questions are arranged to move from observation toward personal application. You don't need to cover all of them — choose what fits your group.

THEME A: Understanding "Deny Yourself"

(Observational → Interpretive)

1. What stood out to you most from Sunday's message — a phrase, a story, or an idea that you're still thinking about?

(Start here. This opens the floor to everyone and helps you know where the group's energy is before diving deeper.)

[Leader Tip]: Don't rush past this question. It tells you what resonated and gives quieter members an easy on-ramp. Affirm whatever people share — there are no wrong answers here.

2. Pastor Gary described the culture we live in as a "me first" world. In what ways do you see that playing out in everyday life — at work, online, in relationships, or even in how we talk about self-care?

[Leader Tip]: This question is observational and cultural, so it's easy for people to engage without feeling personally exposed. It also helps the group see the contrast between cultural values and what Jesus is calling us to.

Optional follow-up if discussion stalls: "Where do you think the line is between healthy self-care and the kind of self-focus Jesus is warning against?"

3. Pastor Gary clarified that "deny yourself" doesn't mean self-loathing or feeling worthless. In your own words, what do you think Jesus actually means when he says this? What is being given up, and what is being gained?

THEME B: Taking Up the Cross

(Interpretive → Personal)

4. Before Jesus, the cross was simply a symbol of death and punishment. Now it's connected to Christ and to what we put to death in ourselves. Pastor Gary mentioned things like self-determination, self-protection, and the need for control. Which of those — or something else — do you find hardest to lay down, and why?

[Leader Tip]: This is where the conversation can get personal and honest. Model vulnerability if you're the facilitator — sharing your own struggle first gives others permission to be real. Remind the group that this is a safe space.

5. Pastor Gary shared the story of his daughter-in-law's parents in Doha, who responded to a frightening situation by opening their home to neighbors rather than hiding in fear. He called that "going from self-minded to Christ-minded." What does that shift look like in ordinary, everyday situations — not just in a crisis?

Optional follow-up: "Can you think of a moment — big or small — when you chose the Christ-minded response over the self-minded one? What made that possible?"

THEME C: Losing Your Life to Find It

(Personal → Transformational)

6. Pastor Gary shared his own story: he had his whole future planned out — a career in law enforcement, a house in Huntington Beach, jet skis — and surrendering that path led him somewhere he never could have imagined. How does his story challenge or encourage you in your own life right now?

[Leader Tip]: Some people in the group may be in a season of real tension about this — a career crossroads, a relationship decision, a calling they're resisting. Be sensitive. Not everyone will share openly, but create space for it.

Optional follow-up: "What's one dream or plan you're currently holding tightly? How easy or hard is it to open your hands and say, 'Your plan, not mine'?"

7. Pastor Gary said: "What is surrendered is not destroyed, but restored and fulfilled." Do you find that easy or hard to believe? What experiences — your own or someone else's — have shaped how you feel about that promise?

8. C.S. Lewis used the image of salt to describe what Christ does to our personality when we surrender to him — rather than erasing our distinctiveness, he brings it out more fully. How does that image change the way you think about what it means to "lose yourself" for Jesus?

[Leader Tip]: Some people fear that full surrender to Christ means becoming bland, robotic, or identical to every other Christian. This question directly addresses that fear. Encourage the group to think about Christians they know who are deeply surrendered and deeply themselves.

THEME D: The Question of Surrender

(Application → Community)

9. Pastor Gary ended the message with this question: "Have I fully surrendered to Christ? Does he have all of my life?" How would you honestly answer that question right now — not the Sunday school answer, but the real one?

Optional follow-up: "Is there a specific area of your life where you know you're still holding the wheel?"

10. The church in the Middle East was mentioned as an example of people who, in the middle of genuine danger and uncertainty, chose to be a light rather than hide. What would it look like for our group — right here, in our neighborhood and community — to have that same "Christ-minded" posture?

SECTION 4: PERSONAL APPLICATION

(10–15 minutes)

Take a few minutes for quieter, more personal reflection. These questions can be answered silently, journaled, or shared with the group — whatever feels right for your context.

Reflective Questions:

1. Identify: What is one area of your life — a relationship, a career decision, a habit, a fear, a dream — where you sense God might be inviting you to a deeper level of surrender?

2. Examine: On a scale of 1–10, how "Christ-minded" versus "self-minded" is your default setting right now? What would it take to move that number up, even by one point?

3. Remember: Think of a time when you trusted God with something and he came through in a way you didn't expect. How does remembering that moment affect your willingness to trust him now?

4. Act: What is one concrete thing you could do differently this week that reflects Matthew 16:24 — one choice, one response, one moment where you choose to deny self and follow Jesus instead?

5. Memorize: Pastor Gary encouraged the congregation to memorize Matthew 16:24. Would you be willing to commit this verse to memory this week? Consider writing it on your mirror, phone lock screen, or dashboard.

🗓 THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE (Choose One)

Option A — The Surrender Prayer: Each morning this week, before you check your phone or start your day, pray a simple prayer: "Jesus, be the Lord of my life today. Not my will, but yours." Notice how it shapes your attitude and choices throughout the day.

Option B — The Self-Check: At the end of each day, ask yourself: "Was I more self-minded or Christ-minded today?" Keep a simple journal of what you notice over the week.

Option C — The Open Hand: Identify one specific thing you've been holding tightly — a plan, a fear, a desire for control — and write it down. Then pray over it and physically open your hands as an act of surrender. Share with a trusted friend or your group what you're releasing.

Option D — The Salt Experiment: Think of someone in your life who doesn't know Jesus. This week, look for one opportunity to be "salt" — to bring out something good, to be a presence of peace, to point toward Christ without pressure. Come back next week ready to share what happened.

SECTION 5: PRAYER FOCUS

(5–10 minutes)

Close your time together in prayer. Here are suggested prayer themes — you can pray through them as a group, in pairs, or have one person lead.

Pray Together For:

• Surrender: Ask God to reveal any area of your life where you're holding the wheel instead of giving it to him. Pray for the courage to open your hands.

• The Persecuted Church: Following Pastor Gary's lead on Sunday, pray for Christians in the Middle East and around the world who are living out Matthew 16:24 under real pressure and danger. Ask for their protection, peace, boldness, and opportunity to be lights in dark places.

• Our Group: Pray that each person in your group would take one step this week toward being more Christ-minded than self-minded. Ask the Holy Spirit to make that step clear.

• Those Far From God: Think of someone you know who hasn't yet surrendered to Christ. Pray for them by name — that Jesus would be drawing them, and that you would be ready to be a light in their life.

Suggested Closing Prayer (facilitator or volunteer):

"Father, we don't want to just hear these words and walk away unchanged. We want to actually live them. Help us this week to deny ourselves — not because it's easy, but because we trust that your plan is better than ours. Give us the courage to lose our lives for your sake, and the faith to believe that in doing so, we'll find them. In Jesus' name, amen."

SECTION 6: OPTIONAL DEEP DIVE

(For groups wanting to go further — use these if time allows or as between-meeting reflection)

Bonus Question 1: Read Galatians 2:20 aloud:

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

How does Paul's description of the Christian life in this verse connect to what Jesus says in Matthew 16:24–26? What does it mean practically to say "it is no longer I who live"? Does that feel liberating or frightening to you — and why?

Bonus Question 2: Pastor Gary noted that C.S. Lewis argued surrender to Christ doesn't make us all the same — it actually makes us more distinct, more fully ourselves. Think of a Christian you know (or know of) who seems deeply surrendered to Jesus and yet is also deeply, uniquely themselves. What do you notice about them? How does their life reflect this idea?

Bonus Question 3: The sermon ended with this closing thought from Lewis's final chapter: the idea that looking for yourself leads to emptiness, but looking for Christ leads to finding both him and yourself. Where do you see people in our culture searching for identity and meaning in places that aren't delivering? How does the gospel offer something genuinely different — not just as a better self-help strategy, but as a completely different way of being human?

FACILITATOR QUICK-REFERENCE GUIDE

If Your Group Gets Quiet:

• Try rephrasing the question: "Let me ask it a different way..."
• Share a brief personal thought to model vulnerability
• Ask: "What's one word that comes to mind when you think about this?"
• Move to the next question — not every question will land with every group

If Your Group Goes Long on One Question:

• That's usually a good sign. Let it breathe.
• You can skip questions 9 and 10 and go straight to Personal Application
• It's okay not to finish — depth beats breadth every time

If Someone Shares Something Heavy:

• Acknowledge it with care before moving on
• Offer to pray for them specifically at the end
• Follow up with them personally during the week

This guide was prepared for Cornerstone small groups based on the Sunday message "Deny Yourself, Find Your Life," concluding the Mere Christianity series.