The Most Offensive Thing You Can Bring to Church

Meta Description: Unforgiveness is a spiritual cancer. Learn how forgiving others and seeking forgiveness can bring healing to your most broken relationships. URL Slug: forgiven-people-forgive-people Featured Image: Open hands, palms up, with soft natural light — symbolizing release and surrender

I want to ask you something before we get started: What's the most offensive thing someone could bring into a church service?

I actually answered that question in a pretty dramatic way this past Sunday. I pulled out a pack of cigarettes, put one in my mouth, and flicked a lighter. The room immediately felt the tension. People were offended — and rightfully so. But here's what I said next: what offends God far more than cigarettes in church is when His forgiven people walk through the doors carrying unforgiveness in their hearts.

That's what we were talking about this week as we continued our How to Be Well series. And if I'm honest, I think it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to preach — because it cuts all of us.

The Cancer We Don't Talk About

Unforgiveness isn't just a bad mood or a personality quirk. Scripture is direct about it. James 2 says, "Judgment without mercy will be shown to the one who lacks mercy." That's written to the church. And Ephesians 4 warns us that unresolved anger gives the devil a topos — a foothold — in our lives. Footholds become strongholds.

I've seen it happen. The bitterness that starts small grows into something that poisons every relationship you have. As Paul writes in Romans 8:6, "To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." The fruit of the flesh — bitterness, envy, strife, unforgiveness — leads to relational death. But when we walk with the Holy Spirit, peace is the result.

The first thing I want you to take away is this: follow the Spirit for healed relationships. We can't do this on our own. Just like I told my kids in the Miami airport — if you can't reach out and touch me, you're too far — we have to stay close to the Spirit. Sunday morning is one hour out of 168 in your week. That's not enough. We need daily time in the Word, daily community, daily dependence on God.

Forgiven People Forgive People

Here's the theological foundation that changes everything. Colossians 2:13-14 tells us that God cancelled our "record of debt" — every sin we've ever committed — by nailing it to the cross. That list is gone. Paid in full.

So when Ephesians 4:32 commands us to "be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you," that little word as carries enormous weight. How did God forgive you? Fully. Finally. Without making you earn it back. And He says: mimic Me.

I shared something personal Sunday that I rarely talk about. Years ago, I was sitting in seminary, newly sober, newly trusting Jesus — and I was still drowning in unforgiveness toward someone who had deeply betrayed me. The Spirit brought Jesus's words to mind: "Love your enemies, pray for your enemies, bless your enemies." So I opened my laptop, found their baby registry, and bought them a gift. I wrote out Psalm 127 — "Children are a heritage, a blessing and a reward from the Lord."

And in that moment of giving, praying, and blessing, I found the key that unlocks unforgiveness. I have not struggled with it toward that person since.

Here's what I want you to hear: we will either pardon sin or be poisoned within. What you don't forgive, you're doomed to relive. But when you release it to Jesus — whether He dealt with it at the cross or will deal with it at judgment day — you are free.

One more thing on this: forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. Forgiveness is given freely, every time. Trust is rebuilt through repentance and change over time. Don't let anyone weaponize your forgiveness against you.

The Redeemed Write Their Wrongs

Forgiving others is only half of the equation. What about when we're the ones who caused the hurt?

Jesus says in Matthew 5:23-24 that if you're at the altar worshiping and you remember that someone has something against you — leave your gift and go be reconciled first. That's how seriously God takes our horizontal relationships.

I shared about the time I walked into my old landlord's shop on Congress Avenue to confess that I had broken into her house multiple times, thrown parties, destroyed a chandelier, and used her utilities — all while I was deep in my addiction. I handed her money and asked her forgiveness. She pushed my hand back and asked if she could give my number to someone who was struggling.

Obedience is not determined by the outcome. You're not responsible for how they respond. You're responsible for doing the right thing.

When you need to seek forgiveness, here's a simple framework I call RAT:

• R — Recognize the wrong. Be specific. Name what you did and acknowledge the impact.
• A — Ask for forgiveness. Not "I'm sorry." Ask the actual question: "Will you please forgive me?"
• T — Take steps to change. Repentance means turning. Show it.

Open Your Hands

Before we closed Sunday, I asked everyone to make a tight fist and think about the person they haven't forgiven. Then I asked them to open their hands and say, "Jesus, I release them to you. They owe me nothing. I forgive them as you forgave me — finally and fully."

I believe something real happens in that moment. Not because of a physical gesture, but because of what it represents: surrendering our grip on justice and trusting it to the only One who can truly handle it.

As I've continued thinking about this throughout the week, I keep coming back to how transformative this could be — not just for us individually, but for our families, our friendships, our workplaces, and our city. If the forgiven people of God actually forgave like they've been forgiven, everything would change.

So let me close with this: Is there a fist you're still holding tight? Is there a wrong you've left unwritten? Don't carry it another week.

The forgiven forgive. The redeemed write their wrongs. And the Spirit is ready to lead you into both.

Want to go deeper on this? Watch the full sermon at harriscreek.org, and consider joining a life group this fall to continue the conversation with others who are walking the same road.

Social Media Excerpt (Facebook/Instagram): What's the most offensive thing you could bring into a church service? It's not what you think. This week's message hit hard: unforgiveness is a spiritual cancer — and the antidote is understanding just how completely you've been forgiven. Read the full post and share it with someone who needs to hear it. 🙏

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