Small Group Discussion Guide

"How to Be Well: Relational Healing Through Forgiveness"

Harris Creek Baptist Church

A Note to Facilitators: This guide is designed to help your group engage honestly and personally with one of the most challenging — and most freeing — topics in Scripture: forgiveness. Some members may carry deep wounds. Create a safe, grace-filled environment where people feel free to share without pressure. You don't need to have all the answers. Your job is to ask good questions, listen well, and point your group toward Jesus. This guide is designed for 60–90 minutes. Adjust as needed for your group.

OVERVIEW

In this message, Pastor John continued the How to Be Well series by addressing the horizontal dimension of healing — our relationships with one another. Using the striking image of cigarettes in church, he challenged us to see that unforgiveness is far more offensive to God than anything outwardly scandalous, because it contradicts the very grace that defines us as followers of Jesus. The sermon called us to three transformative responses: follow the Holy Spirit for healed relationships, forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven us, and seek forgiveness from those we have wronged — because forgiven people forgive people, and the redeemed write their wrongs.

ICEBREAKER (5–10 minutes)

Choose one of the following to open your time together:

Option A (Lighter):

"Think of a time when someone unexpectedly showed you grace or let something go that you expected them to hold against you. What was that experience like?"

Option B (Reflective):

"When you were growing up, how did the people around you typically handle conflict and forgiveness — was it talked about openly, swept under the rug, or something else?"

[Leader Tip]: Don't rush this opener. A good icebreaker warms up the room and builds the trust your group will need for the deeper questions ahead. If your group is quiet, share your own brief answer first to model vulnerability.

SCRIPTURE READING (5 minutes)

Ask a volunteer to read each passage aloud. Encourage the group to listen for a word or phrase that stands out to them.

Romans 8:6 "For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."

Ephesians 4:32–5:1 "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children."

Colossians 2:13–14 "And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross."

Mark 11:25 "And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses."

Matthew 5:23–24 "So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS (30–45 minutes)

Work through as many questions as time allows. Questions are organized from lighter to deeper. Feel free to skip questions that don't fit your group's needs.

SECTION 1: Opening the Conversation (Observational)

1. What was one thing from Sunday's message that stood out to you, surprised you, or stuck with you this week?

[Leader Tip]: This is a great first question because it has no wrong answer and lets you hear where your group members are emotionally and spiritually. Take note of what themes emerge — they'll guide the rest of your discussion.

2. The pastor opened with a striking image — pulling out a cigarette on stage in church. What was your gut reaction to that moment, and what point was he making with it?

Follow-up if discussion stalls: "Why do you think we can be more bothered by outward behaviors than by internal attitudes like unforgiveness or bitterness?"

SECTION 2: Understanding Forgiveness (Interpretive)

3. Read Colossians 2:13–14 again. The pastor described a "record of debt" — a spiritual rap sheet of every sin we've committed — that was nailed to the cross. In your own words, what does it mean that Jesus "canceled" that debt? How does truly grasping that change the way we think about forgiving others?

[Leader Tip]: This is a theological anchor for the whole discussion. Help the group sit with the weight of what was forgiven before moving to what we're being asked to do. If someone seems unfamiliar with the concept of grace, this is a good moment to gently explain the difference between grace (getting what we don't deserve) and mercy (not getting the punishment we do deserve).

4. Ephesians 4:32 says to forgive "as God in Christ forgave you." The pastor emphasized the tiny word "as" — meaning the standard for our forgiveness is God's forgiveness of us. What makes that standard feel impossible? What makes it feel possible?

5. The pastor made an important distinction: forgiveness is not the same as trust, and forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. How does that distinction change the way you think about a difficult relationship in your life?

Follow-up: "Can you think of a situation where someone might need to forgive but also maintain healthy boundaries? How do those two things coexist?"

[Leader Tip]: This is an important pastoral moment. Some group members may be in situations involving abuse, betrayal, or ongoing harm. Affirm clearly that forgiving someone does not mean tolerating continued harm or immediately restoring full trust. Forgiveness is an internal release; reconciliation is a relational process that requires repentance and change.

SECTION 3: The Cost of Unforgiveness (Personal)

6. The pastor said, "We will either pardon sin or be poisoned within." He also said, "What you don't forgive, you're doomed to relive." What does unforgiveness actually look like in everyday life — in our attitudes, our relationships, our emotional and spiritual health?

Follow-up: "Have you ever seen — in yourself or someone else — how bitterness or unforgiveness quietly spread into other areas of life?"

7. Hebrews 12:15 warns that "a root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." Why do you think unforgiveness rarely stays contained to just one relationship? How does it tend to spill over?

SECTION 4: Seeking Forgiveness From Others (Application)

8. The pastor shared the "RAT" acrostic for seeking forgiveness from someone you've wronged:

• R — Recognize the wrong specifically
• A — Ask for forgiveness (with a question mark — "Will you please forgive me?")
• T — Take steps to change

Which of these three steps do you find most difficult, and why?

[Leader Tip]: This section often generates very honest conversation. Be prepared for people to share specific relationships where they know they owe an apology. Affirm their honesty and gently encourage action without applying pressure. Remind the group that we're not responsible for how others respond — only for doing our part.

9. The pastor said, "Obedience is not determined by the outcome." He sought forgiveness from his landlord even though he didn't know how she would respond. What fears typically hold us back from seeking forgiveness from someone we've wronged? How do we move forward anyway?

10. Matthew 5:23–24 says that if we're worshiping and remember that someone has something against us, we should stop and go be reconciled first. What does it say about God's priorities that he places relational reconciliation alongside — and even before — our acts of worship?

PERSONAL APPLICATION (10–15 minutes)

These questions are for individual reflection. You may want to give the group a moment of quiet before sharing, or invite people to journal their responses.

1. During the sermon, the pastor invited everyone to make a fist — holding tightly to whoever they haven't forgiven — and then slowly open their hands as an act of release. As you sit here now, is there a person or situation you're still holding in a clenched fist? What would it look like to open your hand this week?

2. Is there someone in your life who has something against you because of something you did — someone to whom you owe an apology or an act of making things right? What is one specific step you could take this week toward reconciliation?

3. The pastor shared that he buys himself a daily posture of "I love you" and "Will you please forgive me?" in his home. On a scale of 1–10, how naturally does asking forgiveness come to you in your closest relationships? What would need to change for it to become more natural?

4. Where in your life right now do you most need the Holy Spirit's help — in forgiving someone, in seeking forgiveness, or in staying close enough to the Spirit to do either one consistently?

THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

Choose one — or invite God to show you which one is yours:

• ✏️ Write it down. Make a list of anyone you're holding unforgiveness toward. Spend time in prayer this week releasing each person to God, one by one.

• 📱 Make the call. Identify one person you need to seek forgiveness from. This week, reach out — by phone, text, letter, or in person — and use the RAT framework to ask for their forgiveness.

• 🙏 Pray for your enemy. If someone has deeply hurt you, follow the pastor's example: pray for them, and find one concrete way to bless them this week.

• 👥 Share it with someone. Tell a trusted friend or your small group leader about the forgiveness work God is calling you to do. Ask them to check in with you next week.

PRAYER FOCUS (5–10 minutes)

Close your time together in prayer. You can use these prompts to guide your group:

Pray together for:

1. Courage — for anyone in the group who needs to seek forgiveness from someone they've wronged, that God would give them the words and the courage to take that step.

2. Release — for anyone carrying unforgiveness, bitterness, or resentment, that the Holy Spirit would do what only he can do and soften their heart toward the person who hurt them.

3. Healing — for relationships in the group that are broken or strained, that God would work reconciliation where it's possible and bring peace where it's not.

4. Gratitude — that we would never lose our sense of wonder at how much we've been forgiven, and that that gratitude would flow outward into how we treat others.

[Leader Tip]: If your group is comfortable with it, consider a brief time of silent prayer before closing aloud. You might also invite anyone who is ready to share one specific thing they want to release or one relationship they want to pray about. Don't force sharing — just open the door.

OPTIONAL DEEP DIVE

For groups with extra time or who want to explore further:

Deep Dive 1: The Theology of Forgiveness

Read Romans 12:17–21 together:

"Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.' To the contrary, 'if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

• What does it mean that vengeance belongs to God, not to us? How does trusting God with justice actually make forgiveness possible rather than naive?
• The passage says "as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." What does that phrase acknowledge about the reality of reconciliation?

Deep Dive 2: The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

Read Matthew 18:21–35 together (the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant).

• Peter asks Jesus if forgiving someone seven times is enough. Jesus says seventy-seven times. What is Jesus communicating with that number — is it literally about counting, or something else?
• The servant who was forgiven an enormous debt then refused to forgive a small one. In what ways do we sometimes act like that servant, even without realizing it?
• What does this parable reveal about the connection between truly receiving forgiveness and being able to extend it?

Deep Dive 3: When Forgiveness Is Hardest

The pastor acknowledged that some offenses are not small — abuse, betrayal, devastating loss. He pointed to Jesus on the cross saying, "Father, forgive them," while bearing the weight of the world's sin.

• What does Jesus's example from the cross teach us about forgiving when the wound is deep and the other person shows no remorse?
• How do we hold together the truth that forgiveness is a command and the reality that it can be a long, painful process? Is forgiveness always a single moment of decision, or can it be a journey?
• What role does the community of faith — this small group — play in helping someone walk through the process of forgiving a deep wound?

ADDITIONAL SCRIPTURE FOR FURTHER STUDY

FACILITATOR'S QUICK REFERENCE

If you're running short on time: Prioritize Questions 3, 5, 8, and Personal Application Question 1. These cover the theological core and the most actionable takeaway.

If your group is quiet: Share your own honest answer first. Vulnerability from the leader gives permission for vulnerability in the group. You might also try breaking into pairs for the personal application questions before sharing with the full group.

If emotions run high: That's okay. Don't rush past it. Acknowledge the pain, affirm that this topic is genuinely hard, and remind the group that healing is exactly what God is after. Have the prayer team or pastoral care contact information available if someone needs follow-up support.

This discussion guide was prepared for Harris Creek Baptist Church small groups based on the sermon "How to Be Well: Relational Healing Through Forgiveness." For questions or support, contact your group coordinator or email hello@harriscreek.org.